Changing Things Up ❤❀

Old patterns that tend to repeat themselves, seem to be my life's tagline when it comes to posting on my blog. I have FREE time, I do. I spent all my time at school reading and writing that when I have FREE time I want to turn of my brain. That's no excuse, it's the truth, I miss this though, and for the few people that follow this blog I'm sorry. I don't know how I managed to get over 30 views in the last month when I haven't logged in here for so long. Whether it was one person refreshing 30 times or 30 different people, I feel ashamed for the lack of quality content and my poor posting habits. This will change SOON.

MOVING? Wordpress, I both love and despise it. I once had a pretty neat community on wordpress but I deleted my blog there for something new. It's so much harder to build a community here, first of all

1)Difficult to follow other blogs (without bloglovin)
2)There is no community or discover page.

I love the layout and designs but I miss the interaction,

I might be changing ships.


PS. I met a wonderful woman yesterday who inspired me to stop making excuses and putting work ahead of my passions!

My Thoughts : Be Better ❤❀

You know how sometimes in life, we try to always find the better in ourselves. Be it, do a little better in school, dress a little better or interact with others better. I guess, as a person, as a living being who is able to think  for ourselves, within ourselves internally and beyond ourselves spiritually, there is always room for a sense of improvement and continuous growth. (Nothing is wrong with that.)
Yet sometimes we get stuck in a void where we think we can't get better and other times we get pushed in this place, by people always telling us we aren't good enough as who we are, most of the times though it's just the voice inside our head. I believe sometimes we misconstrue what it truly means to be better. I was always looking for something more and a way to be better. Then recently I started thinking what is this "better" I judge myself by. Is it what other people have that I don't or who they have that I don't? Is it the skills or looks that other's possess that I lack? What is my "better", that as a living being I'm instinctively programmed to keep seeking, like a mouse in a maze trying to find the cheese at the end but can't find it?

>>> Who Moved My Cheese?

That's a book you know that I read when I was about 14 and there's the quote, "See what you're doing wrong, laugh at it, change and do better."
The pressure is real to figure out the elusive better. <<<

I think we confuse being better by meeting the standards that are set extrinsically. It becomes a competition to outdo others instead of improve ourselves. Yes, it's an impressive goal to want to be a better person but when you start to confuse that with being better THAN another person or be better FOR another person is where the lines begin to get blurred.

So it's been a while...❤❀

I haven't become the dedicated avid blogger that I sought out to be, for a kid *sorry young woman* with not much of a social life *lots of free time* you'd think I'd have more time to focus on productive projects such as these. No.

I HAVE A THEORY.

I believe my brain and it's inner workings of tiny elves and hobbits burning the midnight oil up there only go to work during these very odd months of January to May and September to early December.
What a peculiar and random time.

That being said I plan to post more soon, but I won't hold myself accountable.

Update:

I have the urge to do a blog relaunch I don't know if I enjoy the theme of a floral explosion anymore nor the only literature related content, I am unsure about what I want to do. I can't make decisions.
If I remember how to edit this blog layout I'll probably change that too.

Update to the Update:

So I did change the theme from floral explosion (if you didn't get to see it, for the rest of your life you will feel like something was missing). I changed it to a vintage floral touch!

The Hungering Search ❤❀

So this is something, I've been grappling with for a long time.
Maybe, nobody cares about this or maybe someone would stumble upon this who feels the same. 

The Humanities and Arts, have always been underestimated, under appreciated and overlooked as a field of study. Growing up, where I am from I was told from a young age to study hard in school to be a doctor, or a lawyer or an engineer, you get what I'm saying. The Holy Trinity. 

It's such a built in schema, that it corrupted my self view of what I wanted to be as an adult. I remember in primary school, in standard four, I was 10, my teacher had us all sit in a circle and say aloud what we wanted to be when we grew up. The conversation went mostly like this, " Chemical engineer, a family lawyer, a pediatrician, a bio engineer, a neurologist" and when my teacher asked me I said as if automatically programmed, " A doctor" and to add some flare I added, " A heart surgeon". Mind you, I had no clue what exactly it took to be a heart surgeon, but suddenly my life revolved around it in that moment. 

But as any kid, that was a temporary commitment but it was always my fail safe, when asked that question.







It all changed as I got older and began to form my own thoughts and perceptions, guided by teachers who opened up a new world to me. Throughout secondary school, I was an all round student, but when it came to English I was consistently at the top of my class. I felt I had finally found something that excited and challenged me in school. I was starting to change, but the mentality around me didn't.





Before my grandmother whom I loved dearly, recently passed she always told everyone I'm in University, I'll become a doctor, I smiled and nodded, because she never knew better and she was simply proud of me. Though, in her defense her generation was the pioneer of this mentality about education, and what consists of a prestigious job.
In no way am I bashing these professions, they are immensely valuable to the functioning of society. One of the reasons parents possibly pushed their children towards these career options probably revolved around the fact that they were the "money makers", whose impact on society is clearly seen. For instance, being a doctor is such an amazing fulfilling achievement, one that is definitely not easy to obtain. Therefore any parent would want nothing but the best for their child, and many did not and still do not see the value within the Arts.

What is the purpose of the Arts, like English literature anyways? How is reading a book going to help anyone? Believe or not a grown man recently asked me this, in a not so subtle condescending tone. 

To me literature is insight into the human condition, the core essentials of human existence in terms of the stimulation and expression of the mind. Each novel, each poem is a testament of progress as a civilization. The ability to manipulate thoughts, into words that can paint pictures, into a character whom before never existed and then into a reality unique to one's own imagination. History is the study  of past events, whereas literature creates a window into past lives. Literature is following the stories that connect our ancestors throughout time, stories that can be real, fiction, exaggerated or downplayed. It involves a peek into the minds during the Medieval, Enlightenment,Victorian, Renaissance, 
Satirical, Existential, periods and so much more!
And some day in the future a curious mind, will be looking back at the stories we write now.

For me my passion only took one book, one series, and another followed by another. It started with 12 year old me getting my first library card from my school, where I could only borrow 3 books at a time for a week from this tiny understaffed, under equipped, box of a room they called a main library. At that age, I didn't have many new friends yet, not that I cared because I became obsessed with my friends on the pages and their lives, the places they carried me, the lessons they taught me.

I think, I got lucky to realize the true importance of the Arts or Humanities more specifically English Literature at such a formative age.

Becoming a critical thinker in literature meant becoming a part of some of the greatest minds throughout history, Wordsworth, Shelly, Hardy, Bronte, Blake, Eliot, Walcott, Naipaul, Achebe, Tolstoy, Woolf, Tolkien, C.S Lewis,  Sophocles, Hemingway, Dickens, not to forget the one who propelled the influence of English literature worldwide Shakespeare; the list goes on and to say I can actually finish it would be an injustice to the future literary academics to come.
Being in University, surrounded by peers who truly appreciate what I love and share in my passions, engaging with lecturers who emulate the life I hope to live one day and baffle me with their knowledge, makes me feel so unbelievably fortunate. 

Those who look down on my degree are either simple minded or just ignorant. Even though I am around  more educated and cultured people, some are stuck in their ways. Once I told a girl in a lecture what my major was; to which she replied, "I love literature you know but I could never settle for being a teacher."  It took every ounce of self control to keep my cool. But the under appreciation for teachers in society, and the belief that studying literature is limited to one profession, well that's for another post. 


In the end; anyone can read a book but a true lover of literature, is someone who can really understand the passion, the thought and the commitment that went into that piece of art and can read the blank spaces between the lines while forging a connection the story and author.  Hence, the inspiration for the following poem: 

The Hungering Search 

Chasing the meaning, behind his words,

His phrases, his pauses;

Hungering for more, though she'll never know what the cause is.

A passion ignited, the flames burning bright;

Smoke rising slowly, stealing her sight.

Lost in a world, with no will to be found.

Following the trail of his word painted pictures, with no sound.

Between each line the space grows wider,

While the hungering search grows inside her.

The Search, for no answer, no particular goal;

But a search to watch each journey unfold.

The lion, the witch, the dragon, the fool;

Lost in their stories, her mind the only tool.

Following blindly his twisted word path;

Open mind and open heart.

Her eyes getting heavy, the moon slowly fades;

The sun rising up, light crawls through the shades.

"Hold on, " she whispers, "Just one more page". 

"A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, a man who never reads lives only one" George R.R. Martin

The Petal ❤❀

(In life we face a strong gust of wind that rips us away from all we have ever known)

Petal. Brightly Coloured. Vibrant. Young. 

Drifted slowly above the carpet of the wind,

Spiraled and spinned.

Travelling miles across with the green blades below;

Its delicate features fading ever so slow.

Carried by its force in whatever direction it blew,

Self control, it never knew.

Lost from its stem, no place of its own

Trapped in the currents constantly flown. 

Pushed and pulled up to the stars;

Just within reach but always a far.

And then when the calm arrives at last, 

In the midst of the still it sweeps down to the grass.

Trapped and buried as time makes its way;

Circling the sun every day.

Withered to nothing, its colours no more,

Empty and torn down to its core. 

Inspiration: I was sitting here with my laptop, in the scolding heat of the tropics. The sun boiling, seeping through my open windows. The wind blowing with all its might, carrying with it no relief as it just surrounds me with heat. 

I've realised life, is like the wind, it carries us in all different directions, up to the stars, down to the ground. There's no pattern, no way to predict where we are heading. We just have to hold tight for the ride until it's no more. 

For Darion :) who encouraged me to get back into poetry. 

Documenting the fleeting moments! ❤❀

Hi my name is Risa! Thanks for sparing a moment to check out my blog!

A little about my purpose on here (Ironically I don't have one):

Inconsistency is one of my biggest flaws, that and a really bad memory. 

I needed a simple platform to share my thoughts, record some memories and post whatever interests me. So this blog is just for leisure, to brush up on my writing skills and also it's also a healthy expressive outlet.

There's really no set categories of what I want to explore and share, so I'm keeping an open mind. I'm a literature student, so there will be quite a bit of book reviews or poetry. I love to craft and plan as well as obsess and worry about everything :) Ahh yes anxiety is my best friend and worst enemy. I tend to ramble a lot. A lot. 

This year so far, has been far from perfect, quite frankly I think I've reached my lowest point. I don't know how I get through most days sometimes. 

So much changes in such a short space of time, turned my entire world upside down, but I'm slowly focusing on my center of gravity and trying to find a balance. I really don't know what I am doing with my life as any normal 20 year old would say but once you reach rock bottom, there's no where but up right? I have so much goals and dreams, but such a long way to go that it seems hopeless sometimes. 

I honestly feel stuck in a perpetual sequel of disastrous events, hence the name of this blog: My Millennial Life Crisis. Bearing the burden of being born in "Generation Y" where all of life's problem revolves around the new Instagram icon and following the cycle of becoming a "Boomerang Kid" I'm trying to forge my own path ever so slowly.

That doesn't always work out though, and I find myself in the usual drama facing my peers of boys,  bad friendships, rumours, subtweets, blocking, fake profiles etc. Sigh. Not forgetting, the inescapable need for material things, latest tech, new clothes, constant need to go out and party. Followed by almost certain regret of how basic life can get. Do you sense the self loathing. 

Hopefully a little place in the internet like this can help me from being consumed.

Thanks for reading! Make sure to follow/subscribe or don't it doesn't matter, I don't need followers to validate my existence, but seriously do follow T_T